My porcelain Queen
by Behind-my-shades
Summary: As she sits down across the room form my I notice that look i've seen many times before the look that's says "Help me". Beck POV...


A:N I had to write this I don't know why it was just something that came to me.. I'm not a big fan of Jade cutting her self in fics but this helped the story along.. My inspiration was Florence and the machine's "Shake it Out.." Plus I like the whole Beck POV...

She's breaking apart... I can see it... Even when I haven't been around her in months.. I can see she's breaking apart.

All I can do is stand by the way while she break's herself apart and everyone else takes a piece of her...

She walks into the class room. Its 85 degrees outside but she's wearing a long sleeve black shirt...

It may seem her fashion because she never sweats..

Everyone thinks because she doesn't sweat she can wear whatever clothing...

But I know better...

She looks over to me as she sits down across the classroom. She has that tired look in her eyes I've seen so many times right before she begs for my help in anyway I can offer.

But I can do nothing.. Not from all the way over here. Not from outside of her life.

So I sit back and hold that look in my heart. I Let it fester and build until in the 1 hour were in this class i've looked at her at least 500 hundred times and half of those times she looked back. I've thought about it and pondered... let it rise until i'm sure i'm going to corner her when the bell rings..

because she's falling apart and it's breaking my heart...

When the bell rings she rushes out like she can read my mind from all the way where she was.

I grab my things just as fast and chase after her.

I chase after her as i've done so many times...

I think about how I regret the one time I didn't chase after her... but it's too late for that.

She's slipping out of my sight and I run faster until were on the stair way and i'm grabbing her by her hand.

She looks back at me with an annoyed look but her eyes tell me different they hold hope in them. Hope that i'll come to her rescue. She looks up at me. I say nothing...I just pull her toward our old stomping ground.

The Janitors closet.

Everyone gives us strange looks

because since when are they back together?

And where are they going?

I can feel everyone's stares on them and I know she can feel them to because she shivers and her hand is covered in goosebumps.

I continue walking.

The walk feeling like the longest walk of my life.

When were inside she finally speaks.

"What do you want?" She crosses her arms over her chest always forearms toward her.

I look at her..really look at her past all the make up and piercing an see her..

Only her..

she's just like everyone else despite the rumors...

she has feelings to...

"Jade..." I start out but her name is more like a foreign language to my lips because I haven't said it in so long.

"Let me see..." I continue when I regain composure.

Her arms fall from her chest slowly and I can see her eyes darting around looking for a way out but i'm blocking the door.

"Let me see..." I say again moving toward her...

she holds her arms to her self and backs up as far as she can.

"I don't know what your talking about..." She says softly but I walk up to her until I can touch her but I don't...

I'm so close I can see for myself if I'm right but I don't

She needs to show me...

"Show me.." I say again..

I can see tears in her eyes.

"NO... I don't have to show you anything..." She tries to move past me but I catch her.

Both my hands around her waist.

She stops...Her hair covering her face.

I move her in front of me again.

She stays looking into my eyes.

"Show me..." I say in that voice that lets her know I'm serious as hell.

Her eyes widen before looking at her sleeves...

She lets out a shaky breath.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

She slowly slides them up..

I feel anger rise up inside of me...My fist clench by my side.

Her skin is usually so creamy..so pale..so porcelain that I want to run my hands all over her.

its marred..

marred with red slashes and reddened skin.

3 on each arm

like their taunting me...

Like the cuts are her new solace and I've been replaced by the shimmer of a razor.

I want to scream at her but she looks so broken..

I want to yell at her... But she looks so scared

like she doesn't know who's done this to her.

Like me.. its hard for her to grasp that's she's hurting herself.

I reach my hand out to run them over each cut...

in a line ready for attention..

ready to take the life of the only person I Love...

I run my hands down until I reach her wrists...

Her eyes are watering...

She's about to cry... she's about to break my heart...

She holds the annoyed look on her face but her voice doesn't compensate and I can hear the sadness in each syllable.

"What?" She asks shifting her weight form one foot to the other.

I'm still looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

She looks down at my hands on her wrists and her arms...

She looks back to me like I'm the one who has done this to her... and later she'll tell me it was..even if I didn't physically pick up the razor and slash at her.

The bell rings above us. I can here the hallways emptying until there silence outside.

"I have to go..." She tried to free her wrist but I'm not letting go...

She looks at me jerking her arms...

Her beautifully wounded arms.

I'm too busy thinking..Thinking about what to do... Think about what to say... because I don't want to fuck this up... I don't want to lose the one person who knows me better then I know myself.. I don't want to lose the one person I've invested all my time and all my heart into...

I don't want to lose the one person I know everything about... The one person who can make my life more dramatic, adventurous..sweet and tolerable...

I don't want to lose the one Person who I would die for...

And as stupid as it may be I pull her by her wrists and to my lips... I reconnect us for the fist time in months...

I feel her lips on mine. Softer then anything I've ever touched.

She devouring me like I'm devouring her. Her mouth is on mine with the same force..the same..want.. the same need.

God did I miss this... The smell of her.. Like raspberries and vanilla... her taste..coffee and something sweeter that only jade had. It has me addicted like if I didn't get the tiniest bit of her I would explode into a million pieces.

Her hands are ghosting up to my hair...

I Know she loves it.. she's missed it like I've missed her... Like I've missed this...

I fist my hand in her hair.. she's biting my lip.

I Love when she does that..she knows it...

Were breathing in between kisses because if we break apart to long we'll have time to think...

and when we have time to think everything falls apart.

Her mouth is back on mine our teeth gnashing together like warrior each fighting for dominance.

She's all over me like I'm all over her...

If we could become one forever...

We would...

I can feel her nails digging into my shoulders threw my Jacket when I pull back.

She's holding on.

My mind finally understand as I realize she's been holding on the whole time...

Holding onto us the whole time.. While I was trying to move on and let go..she's been here.

I Could punch myself at how blind I've been thinking for a minute she's actually moved on...

But no..she's been holding on...with every last part of her being..

which why she's probably so tired.

Her lips are puffy and tinged a darker pink. Her hair in the back is messed up.

But when she pulls back she doesn't care.

I don't either all I care about are the tears that are streaming down her face.

She backs into the corner a look on her face as if she's just murdered someone...

It's probably my heart.

Her hands come up to her lips she ghosts her fingers over them.

I run my hand through my hair...

cause I now I have absolutely no fucking idea what to do...

If she wanted to leave I think I would let her... because I was supposed to helping her but here I am lock into a battle of lips...without consent..without thinking...

She's sobbing.. I snap my eyes up..because in all the years I've been with her.. I'd only ever heard her sob once... crying I've seen... but sobbing that was something entirely different.

and I only saw that when her mother left.

"Beck what are we doing?" She asks looking up at me finally...

Her eyes are red and her makeup is running a bit..

But she's never looked more beautiful.

"Because I don't know.. I don't know.. and it's scaring the hell out of me..."She wipes her face...Sighing into her hands..

She sounds so different then I remembered.

"Jade I.." I'm glad she stopped me cause I had nothing really to say except I love you...

"My chest hurts everyday...I spend a million hours crying to myself.. sitting by myself..just being myself..just Jade... and not that it's not a wonderful thing to be but.. it's so hard to just be jade when I'm so used to it being Jade&Beck... when I'm so used to their being some one to catch me before I fall...

Someone to tell me its going to be okay even when I know it's not..." She was crying now..

each tear a crack to my heart no.. a blow to my heart.

I grabbed her and enveloped her in my arms. Letting her get out all her frustration like I've done a billion times in the past...

her cries are muffled but I can feel each one rack her body and I just hold on tighter.

When she's ready I talk to her.

I pull her from me.. and all of her make up is nearly gone giving her the angel look that I love so much.

"I know okay? I know about being alone... I know about the feeling that you think is spreading all through you until all you want to do is throw everything away.. I know.. but this.."

I hold up her arms.. placing a kiss on each wrist.

"This isn't answer.. I'm still here.. even if were not together anymore.. you can all always call me.. always expect me to be there to catch you cause even when you walked out the door Jade.. I never stopped loving you.. and I'll never stop loving you... Even if your a million miles away and you vow you never want to see me again... I'll still love you... there is no one else I care about more.. No one I feel the same with or about..."

I our foreheads are pressed against each other..my hands framing her face.

My eye are closed as if I'm trying to get every emotion to flow out of me into her so she knows it real...

So she knows that words are stupid in trying to express this... in trying to get out everything I want to say.

I finally open my eyes She looking back...

She hasn't said anything..

I'm waiting for her to tell me off.

She didn't say anything... She didn't even blink...

She just slammed her lips into mine

I couldn't do anything except hold her and kiss back.

Kiss her and give her everything my heart felt into the kiss.

I Pulled back from her... knowing this would get to intense... to fast...

I didn't want the first time being back with her in some Janitors closet where we've fought so many times before.

But she's thinking differently I can tell cause her eyes are full of lust and wanting and a little love..Which is rare.

I can't resist her... she's like my very own drug. I pull her back to me...My hands going up under her shirt while our mouth battle a bit more.

She pressed against me so tightly like she's trying to seal her self to me. I Let her cause I haven't felt her so close in so long.

My hands find her bra clasp and undoes it. She lifts her shirt off in a hurry. And she's topless in front of me. Her skin so pure.. I run my hands up her back over her shoulders. She trying at my shirt.. and I Pull at it...making the buttons fly everywhere... not caring about them...

I shuck my undershirt and she's against my mouth...our mouths meshing again.

Her nipples are against my bare skin... and my pants are tighter then they've ever been. She rubbing against me..

I can't seem to detach my lips form hers..but I slip my hands up to pinch the dusty pink nipple in between my fingers.

Her hips buck against mine and she lets out a moan...

It's music to my ears.

I do the other the same way...trying to wring ever ounce of that beautiful sound from her throat.

She's calling my name..panting.. Her head cradled in my neck She's peppering kisses in between moans.. scraping her teeth against me..

I can't deny her.

I Growl and pick her up so her chest is level with my mouth.

She squeals and hold on for dear life as I assault her.

I'm going back and forth between both breast until there darkened red and their so sensitive I can blow my breath across them and she'll groan.

Around her nipples are starting to turn purple and I smile because later she'll look in the mirror and she the marks I've left on her.

I lower her down and shes already at my pants. She brushes against the bulge and I gulp. Just a touch and I'll melt into her hands like putty.

She's got the button undone and I'm stepping out of pants and boxers . I go for the skirt that's a little too short for her to be walking around school in.. I'll address that later.

She shimmies her hips so the skirt falls down her perfect legs and all she's left in are lacy black panties.

Her hands around my erection and I can't help but let out a shaky breath. Her hands barely fit around it but I don't care...

Because some how she makes it work...she always makes it work...

She stroking me briskly and I throw my head back unable to move...

I'm looking up at the ceiling of the janitors closet but I feel like I'm in heaven.

She slows down a bit... and I look down at her... she's lowered to her knees and her eyes lock with mine.

There's an evil glint in them... I Love it...

I Live for it.

Her mouth's so close to my dick that I can feel the heat from her. The impending moisture.

She sticks her tiny tongue out to lap at the head and I groan. Resisting the urge to plunge deep into her mouth.

She laps at it until middle ways and then envelopes me in her mouth.

"FUCK..." I had to let it out...

My hands fly to her already messed up hair. My fingers go to her scalp.. she's bobbing back and forth on my dick.. white spots are developing across my eyes...

I growl in my throat..she shivers...

She likes the animal side of me...

I'm getting hot and its like I can't breath in this forsaken Janitors closet.

I can't stop my hips from bucking in the heat of her mouth...I'm hitting her throat and she humming and moaning the vibrations making it hard for me to hold on.

Her nails are on either side of my dick making patterns I can't quiet make out because I'm a little preoccupied. But it increases the pleasure nonetheless and I feel it in the pit of my stomach...

Its everywhere.. if she touched me anywhere I think it would have the same effect...

I've long thrown my head back my mouth open... both hands in her hair... She working it so fast...

She's going faster and faster... and I can't hold on... my hands are clenching in her hair..giving it a slight pull as whatever inside of me breaks..

I try to pull out but she won't let me she's holding me to her mouth... I'm going limper and limper as I empty myself in her mouth...

I let out a scream that I think might be a mixture of Jade..and fuck...

I should have been a little quieter but it doesn't matter at the moment..

all that matters in the little minx in front of my sliding out of her panties... but she won't admit it..she hates the word panties...so I guess their lady underwear...

she moving so slowly trying to tempt me... and I'm grateful for it..but my rapidly hardening dick isn't so I grab her by her underwear and bring her hips to mine. Grinding my member against her until she's grasping my shoulders and her mouth is open letting out the most inviting sounds I've ever heard.

She moving with me.. and were almost dancing... but its not about the moves its about her feeling how much I need her.

My dick is dripping for her and If we keep up this dance I won't last.

I yank at her still attached underwear.. and rip them clean off her hips..

She looks at me shockingly and them gives me the sexiest smirk I've seen yet.. she pulls me to her..we kiss again..this time it's full of fire and explosions.

My hands are on her bare ass my blunt nails digging in.. her hips are against mine.. I can feel her pussy on my dick... I'm sliding back and forth from her lower lips.. shes let out tremors and yelps.

But I don't enter yet...

My hands slide around from her ass to her hips and then to my goal...

She spreads her legs a bit and I shove forward...

2 fingers deeps...

Her legs almost give out and I get the best sense of pride.

Her arms fling around my neck...

I pull my fingers out and then back in again..loving the sound of my fingers sliding in and out her mixed with the sounds coming from her mouth...

She's so wet... I could come form that alone.. she's so utterly slick that my finger slide right in and right out...

I add a third.. she shudders and clenches around my fingers... so tight..

I have to hold breath.

She working her hips over my fingers bouncing and humping until I'm sure she's imagining my dick's already inside of her...

she's so breathtaking...

her hairs a mess and she has little hickeys here and there from my mouth..her lips are swollen and parted her cheeks are flushed.

Now all I have to do is get her to cum and she'll look perfect.

I bring my thumb up from my free hand to her clit... she loves the abuse of the little nub.

I pinch it between my thumb and index finger...

she's screaming in my ear...

screaming my name...

good thing the bell rings for lunch.

She's still shuddering...my fingers clenched by her.. my hand covered in her.

She's wobbling on her legs her arms loosely around my neck to keep her standing.

I remove my hands and bring them to my mouth. Her tired eyes watching me.

Her face tinges red as I lick my hand clean of her...

her taste amazing as always...

She's panting trying to catch her breath and her legs are still a little like jelly cause she doesn't step back and her arms tighten when she tries.

I Lift her in my arms. Were face to face... I search her eyes for something I'm sure is in my own eyes at this point. I find it...

I bring her to the wall of the closet.

Her nails are already expecting the penetration.

This has to be one of my favorite things...us becoming one... if for a short time anyway.

She braces her self as do I...

My dick is bobbing between us in all its glory.

I'm too busy holding her up to join us so she does it for me.

Her hand touching me is almost enough.

The head of me is right at her entrance.. she's so slick...

I move forward and join us and boy does scream.

This time there's no bell to muffle it

but who cares?

I pull back and then back in... and then do it all over again.

I'm moving fast because I know it won't last long.

She's scratching down my back which is only making me go harder..

I love the abuse almost as much as she does

I'm careful not to scrape her up to hard against the rough wall but she doesn't care

She's using it to thrust back at me.

She's hot and tight and my dick is praising me for following her this time.. and so is my heart.

Weird huh?

Her thighs are closing around me

we've only been going at it for a couple of minutes but when you haven't had it in so long...

things don't go normally to say the least.

Her hands are everywhere now... she calling my name in that voice that no one gets to hear but me and no one else will hear unless there right outside..

cause I'm her first and I'll be her last god willing...

just like she's my first and I hope she'll be my last.

Her nails are running up my abs.. I look down in a haze at the welts starting to rise.. she's marking me too.

My hearts beating so fast... I bet it's never been so fast in my life... I can feel hers cause she's completely in my arms... its a match to mine...

Her voice elevates and i'm grunting in her ear.

"Beck..Beck..Beck... BECK..Please..GOD BECK..." She sounds so desperate.

I smile.

"That's it Jade come for me baby... Its okay let go... God.. your so beautiful" I'm whispering in her ear and I place a kiss against her. Licking the shell of her ear...

Her pussy is clenching so tight.. and I've noticed how much easier I'm sliding in and out of her.. she's almost there...

"Do it Jade.. let go.. Let me feel you Go Ahead Baby cum for me ….cum for me.." I'm having trouble talking and moving.

She lets out a louder scream that's a mesh between Beck and I love you...

Her nails are stinging my beck as keep going in and out right through her orgasm...

I feel mine coming up My dick is twitching inside of her still spasmodic Vagina...

I Shoot Deep inside of her..

"I love you.." I let escape my lips.

She opens her mouth I'm guessing to the feeling of me letting go inside of her.. She's goes limp against me like I'm going limp inside side of her..

and the once loud room goes silent accept for pants and breaths...

I feel like we've baptized this room form every fight we've had with this one session of love making...

It no longer holds the resentment of our last couple of fights but the tittle of reuniting..

I finally lower her to the ground when I feel like I should. I let her go... She stumbles a little on her feet and I catch her by her forearms..which makes her wince...

I almost forgot why I followed her in here...

"Tell me you'll never do this again?" I look to her arms... I'm out of breath

"I'll never do it again.." She says quietly..and breathy...

I look into her eyes...

"Promise?" I ask knowing that on some level past all this emotional stuff she's getting irritated.

"I promise.." She smiles at me..Because she knows that I wouldn't do this if I didn't care.

I Wipe her face a bit... with my thumbs removing the smeared make up

then we find our clothes.

I'm glad I had an undershirt because now my shirt doesn't button...

and I want to take jade home because her skirt is too short and her underwear are obliterated..

what can I say I was lost in the moment.

Another bell rings.. I've lost track of which one..

we've missed a couple classes but who cares?

I got the girl of my life back in my arms...

I help fix her hair it's not perfect to her but it is to me... and if any one objects.. then fuck em'

I take my hand and put it around her shoulder. She entwines our fingers. And looks up at me

Her eyes filled with something they didn't enter the closet with..

I know everything will be okay after this...

"You love me again?" She says up to me...

A phrase as old as time.

I look down at her a slight smile on me face. I know I've fixed her... my precious porcelain queen.. I stopped her from breaking and even put some of the pieces back together...

"Who said I stopped?"

She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"no one I was just checking..you never know.."

The sarcasm had returned to her voice...

I shook my head as we walked out of the janitors closet.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

A:N I hoped you enjoyed it.. Read and review... :D


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